A dry spring for a while now. I haven’t been working and it’s taken a toll on my creativity. To keep busy, I’ve been “going to school,” i.e., walking to UNR most days and reading, in advance, a psychology textbook for a class I may or may not after all be able to take in the second mini session, depending on whether I am or am not working. When I got to the section that said creativity is not a product of misery but a product of joy, that creativity springs when your material needs are seen to and you have the luxury of thinking about things other than survival, I said to myself, NO SHIT.
Not the place to get into any of the feelings I have right now about the whole situation; it’s the Catch-22 of anything I say possibly jeopardizing future employment vs. the need to explain why I’m not writing. Suffice it to say it’s been a roller coaster, with a number of options in the air that look better or worse each day, some of which look certain then fall apart just after you think For Sure I’m Saved, Everything Is Fine! The stress made me sick for a week so suffice it to say thoughts of the book are the very last thing on my mind right now.
It’s too bad, since having all this time would otherwise be a fantastic opportunity. Everything about unemployment is great, other than the grinding terror of imminent poverty. I’ve lost eighteen pounds not sitting at a desk all day, and I’m delighted with that – the one thing that’s completely in my control right now is my weight. I haven’t turned into the guy who lays on the couch watching judge shows all day, surrounded by fast food cartons and beer bottles, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s pretty great. I didn’t spend my spare time inventing Facebook (or Alex) but I haven’t fallen apart either.
I think also I’m at a “fear point” in the book – it’s time to really create Alex as he is “now” but I haven’t been focused enough to sit down and document exactly what that means, so I’m blocked. In a previous post I thought out some of the reactions to Alex, but I need to create Alex himself, and then connect the culture around him to his actual product features. I’m hoping to Calm The Fuck Down next week and be able to start making progress again.