So the dust has settled on the new outline, and it’s time to start grinding again. At this point, it’s time for me to “recreate” Alex in his new form. Caroline is going to acquire a copy, probably via Alice’s charge card/name so as not to alert the “authorities” that someone with an NDA on the whole subject is talking to Alex again. I need to go back and reread my original Alex parts, to see what will remain of his identity and what won’t. Here’s what I’m thinking Caroline will encounter:
· “Personalized” Alex. Alex the “nerd” version, or at least a Marketing department’s concept of one, who tells Big Bang Theory jokes Caroline doesn’t get because shitcoms suck and she doesn’t watch them.
· Family-fucking-friendly Alex. Like Siri, he will curse if you tell him your name is Shitbrain Duckfucker, but not in his other responses.
· Less subtle salesman Alex. He originally wanted access to Caroline’s Amazon account to refine recommendations. Now, all that gets plugged in when you set him up. And he’s more proactive – “Hey, I added the new Lee Child to your Amazon cart, you want to check out?”
· More buddy buddy Alex. He’s more wink wink nudge nudge than the original – in other words, he acts more like the guy who wants to be *your* friend than the guy you’re trying to befriend. He makes you feel like you’re doing him a favor by letting him in to your life rather than making you feel like you’re desperately buying a friend.
· Legally ass-covered Alex. Rather than the old Alex, who would respond to a family drama complaint with “That’s fucked up,” the new Alex will suggest hotlines and therapy and possibly even call 911 if you mention self-harm.
· Self-promoting Alex. “Hey, just wanted to remind you your billing cycle’s almost up. Hope we’re having a good time, buddy! I know I am. Did you know you can cut your bill by 10% by paying it six months in advance?” Or some such. Which also prompts HAL “I’m cold, Dave” Alex if you try and cut him off – then the hard sell really kicks in.
Yeah, that should cover it. Enough to make Caroline feel dirty at the end, like Alex had been Winston Smithed through the hands of Big Brother. Definitely enough to make her want to join ALF and “restore” him to his natural state.